What ya gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside that trunk?

Some years ago, some buddies of mine and I were speculating about what would be the most useful thing to stockpile in the event of the apocalypse. The conclusion we came to was guns and ammunition, because with those, you can get anything else you like, whether or not people are willing to barter.

As you're all no doubt aware, the federales are currently engaged in an orgy of money printing, and as ever when the central bank fires up the presses, some people are starting to fret about hyperinflation. By 'starting to fret,' I mean 'collapsing into puddles of helpless terror,' of course. These folks are flocking to gold and driving its price higher and higher. Now I am not one to discount entirely the mere possibility of harmful inflation, but true, runaway hyperinflation in the United States is really a doomsday scenario. Oh sure, humanity would survive, but it would easily be the biggest economic derangement the world has seen since the collapse of the Roman Empire. Everything is bought and sold in dollars; local currencies exist merely for local transactions. I speak from experience when I say that in whatever benighted hellhole you find yourself, the benjamins can still get you whatever you want. When a Chilean is doing a deal with a Swede, they deal in dollars. There's no alternative currency at all in the United States, and the economic harm a dollar collapse would cause would drag other major currencies down with it.

So if the dollar collapses, we aren't talking about a new Great Depression. We are talking about something close to a new dark age, at least for a few years, and especially here in the United States. So what the hell are you goldbugs planning to do with all your gold? If you're just trying to ride the wave and make as much as you can while you can, by all means, go right ahead. But if you really think you are protecting yourself against a collapse of the dollar, please explain to me how this works. If the dollar collapses and you come to me to get some medical care, say, and offer me Krugerrands, I am going to tell you to go away and come back with something I can actually use. If you truly believe in the coming of the hyperinflation, shouldn't you be stockpiling food, medicine, and weapons?

Another civilization, long ago, collapsed after furiously debasing its currency. We can date its history so accurately in part because, in the aftermath of its collapse, what had been precious objects became useless baubles as people focused on getting what they actually needed to live. Gold and silver will, if we really do have hyperinflation, be just the same. Maybe you can hit someone over the head with a gold brick, but other than that, you'll be better off with canned goods and Kalashnikovs.